Larry Chiang's Amazon Blog

Tuesday Feb 25, 2008
Doing An Email Introduction

Fri, Jan 11, 2008
9 Stanford Business School Students you Don't Wanna Meet

Bank-a-palooza.  Scoffs at the organic catered sandwiches google brought in for their fluff panel/quasi mixer.  Misses catered Ruth Chris, car service and $60 burger.  He's working at 60% capacity and partying even lower.  Yes, B-a-P, Palo Alto bores

My MBA is my penis extension.  There are two videos of a gang banger.  One where he has a gun and one where he doesn't.  His physiology is day/night.

Undercover Hustler.  Yeah, they go to class he they do 12 projects on the side and works for his old company.  Underneath his dress shirt and pants he's wearing full work out garb for Arrillaga.

Fresh in from europe.  Has goal during class discussion to enlighten 'zee dumm aMERicunns'.  They call it the "Old World" for a reason- true story.

The Married.  My mBA is a vacation from my family.  Only sees wife 1.0 and 2.5 kids 2.2x/month.  Scoffs at Sandals carribean ads cuz zip code 94305 is all inclusive too.

Eeek, I forgot about the token married couple.  Married and doing GSB together.  How romantic and easy to poke fun @.  Major class eye rolls when she takes alpha role in overlapping discussion.  Had in the pre-nup a 4, 14 year plans.

My MBA is my weapon.  Truly shined right from admit weekend.  Sure, they were backdoored in, but they're springboarding.  Maybe has a social cause but rooms glow and radiate with them in it.

Token Hottie.  She's stunning at year end black tie event and even mistaken as the plus one.  Hides it day-to-day cuz good looks = less credibility.  EQ > IQ > 180.  Single.  Yes single.  Why?! Smart hot women with a Stanford MBA make guys turtle.

The Aberration.  Wears cowboy gear even though he's from Santa Clara.  Actually plays a varsity sport (and wears sixth man club shirt from 2001): football.  Had three years of eligibility carry over from Michigan.  Safety, half back or special teams... nope- lineman (both ways but doesn't start on offense.  The more you know the less you believe).  Freak. Goal; go work for him if your ego can take it.

Engineer Girl.  Stars off year #1 slow -too much analysis.  Take that game theory and apply it to something other than product management.  Knows every woman CEO on a 1st name basis.  Blossoms back end of 2nd year (after 3 year relationship took 10 months to shut down for good and 6 months to heal).

** Bonus #10 **
Mr Dual Admit.  Was admitted to HBS and even went to their admit weekend. Has the "I didn't know myself until the last minute.cra-azy" attitude.  No, not crazy cliche

** contest  **
Submit a #11

- is EIR @ Charles River Ventures
- used to model in LA but still has her 617 cell
- on paper = thumbs up.  In person :-(
- speaks better english than Berkeley boy but has been in country all of two months
- will get a job for less money after business school
- went for MRS degree but now can't get l.a.i.d.
- is jealous of Facebook profile of Founders Fund and his 12 undergrad affiliations
- no profiling skills/common sense. Would only rec an ex-con in jail

Thursday Jan 10
13 things they don't teach you at Stanford Business School

-1- Getting Homefield Advantage On the Road.  Works at a restaurant or Starbucks... a) order something weird and people remember you.  For me its a 7 p "What They Dont Teach You At Stanford Business School" ump frap, b) remember people, c) tip a lot, d) comp them something.  I do a short credit seminar and then ask to put my biz card magnet on the work fridge.  Have peeps that need fico help email me, e) I flirt a lot ;), f) with dudes I use 'man-charm'.

-2- Bribing for Upgrades.  "Anything you can do to make my transition back to SFO better, I'd greatly appreciate" as I slide a Starbux gift card under my gov't I'D.

-3- DDSS.  Dumb it Down and Sandbag for Success.  Sandbagging is defined as misrepresenting your true skills.  Just like Johhny Depp portraying a drug dealer in blow, by sandbagging his role, he EMOTES.  DDSS, allows us to humbly emote the strength of our offering.

-4- Work as a New Capitalist.  They don't pay you to manage. They pay you to promote.  Capitalists build and get rewarded for that value.

-5- Kissing Ass Downstream.  People all kiss alpha executive butt-tocks.  I say kiss the CEOs interns ass.  Most male business leaders at industry events are getting their swerve on.  During the post-conf debrief, your name'll pop.  Kiss ass- take names.

-6- Be a vacation.  Don't just be a pleasure to work with, be there vacation.  I attended a comedy class Auren Hoffman, ceo of Rapleaf did and it helps him be a vacation for people when he uses humor.

-7- Upgrading from Delegate to Conference VIP.  Set aside your conference agenda (you do have specific goals right?!) and met the needs of the conference producers.  Typically, its a) content, b) better speakers, c) media, d) promotion partners, e) more cities/frequency and f) introduction to more sponsors.  I speak at events not cuz my content is good but I'm the person people think about because of a > f.

-8-  Master (umm trying?) SWM - strategic wife management.  Founders/nerds/et al have a time space continuum different from wives.  Calendarize a) dates, b) impromptu flowers, c) gifts for when you're @ conference, d) arcane anniversaries (i.e. 1st time we ever ditched the four kids for two weeks was 4 years ago).  Err, it also is SGFM, which in my case is strategic girlfriend management.

-9- Acing Trade Show Booth.  Building an Entourage with your Trade Show Booth.  Brand your booth by having a social 2.0 component to it.  Collect cell phone numbers and message EVERYONE about afterparties, online contests and make introductions.  Your true business agenda needs to take a temp backseat to building an entourage.

Booths have feng shui dynamics with these critical keys
1- get a color zone map.  Red is deep in the zone.  Green is the flow by traffic
2- Encourge revisits with single sticks of gum in a bowl in the back of your booth
3- Make friends with maintenance and get an extra power hook-up so you can six prong plug
4- Encourage mob mentality where more people encourage more people
5- Use a contest to migrate curious onlookers to qualified prospects

** Bonus **
-10- Exit Strategy for Your GSB GF.  CIA agents never enter a room that they  can't leave a half a dozen ways.  Relationships in B-school are the same.  Enter only if you have an eye for a clean exit.

-11- Getting Press By Giving the Gift of Info Innovation.  I.E. We do heavy lifting.  Obvious perhaps, but we apply it to pitching conference and getting portfolio company/products into industry events.

-12- 70-20-10 rule for time and Treasure Management.  Tithe 10% ofyour salary/time and you will feel abundancy.  20% you invest (or Steven Covey's quadrant #2)  P.S. This title was inspired by Guy Kawasaki's 10-20-30 rule for Powerpoint.  Almost a cut and paste...

-13- Cut and Paste Your Way Up.  In school its called plagiarism.  At the office, they call it genius.  For example, my 1st company sold credit to students.  I cut and pasted a biz plan from my mentor, Grif Frost's international trade company.  Steve Jobs- Bill Gates-Pablo Picasso- larry chiang said, "Good artists create, Great artists steal"

** Contest **
Submit something that you can't learn at Stanford Business School (and get fame and fortune for helping me with my book).  Winner will be selected Friday and get a duck9 winter fleece (worth $80!)

Wednesday, Jan 9, 2008
9 things they don't teach you at Stanford Business School

Here are nine things that they don't teach you at Stanford Graduate School of Business (yet)

-1- Triple-Threat-Got-Game.  You shoot the trey cuz three points is more than two.  Willie Sutton robbed banks "cuz that's where the money is".  Maybe bank robbing and shooting the rock aren't options for you.

The big ducky (me) thinks the key to business is more money.  80% of your time should be spent bringing money in the door.  No one likes asking for money or begging people to buy but businesses that bring in more money often times do better than businesses that bring in less money.  I don't have exact stats but my intuition says so.

-2- How to get kicked out of a room.  This goes 10x beyond 'How to Work a Room /LINK/'.  For example, I crashed a VIP reception at a headline concert.  The band brought up a blind guy who proposed right up on stage for 1000s to see. She said yes.  I rushed the stage from the flank cuz VIP was beside the stage.  I high fived her and hugged him.  Security saw me, remembered me for sneaking in, and then tossed me.  A bank hosting VP saw and laterjocked me.  We are friends now and I've a good chance to cash their check- all because I work the room (even the rooms I'm not invited to)

-3- How to love the word "no".  I read a great post on this at Found Read (I wrote it hahaa).  Not to toot, but it was genius post about how the word 'no' separates you from the other tier one MBA grads.  If you wanna be a millionaire too, memorize all the tips.

-4- Manipulate your credit rating while driving towards 'revenue positive'.  Secret society are cool and the concept of "deep underground credit knowledge" ( duck9.com ) pretty much makes me THE guy on manipulating FICO /LINK/.  My post is HERE.  The threatened lawsuit is here (link to Yelp.com/fair-issac and www.bigDucky.yelp.com ).  Good credit is good for you.

-5- How to love the waitlist.  I applied for film school in 98 but instead of a golden invite (aka legitimate acceptance), I applied to be on the waitlist (1st in history).  After flowers and chocolate, I was granted the status of "dead last" on USC's waitlist.  Unpeterbed (and celebrational), I showed up and enrolled in a community offering class of 'screenwriting' and asked everyday at 8am, how many drop-outs today?? Within a week, the dean recognized me and wallah, I cleared waitlist status.  If I didn't love the waitlist, I wouldn't know 90% of the celebs in my SideKick.

There's a girl who didn't get admitted to stanford, she scammed her way into classes, joined ROTC and even got housing.  She broke laws but life is better if you navigate waitlists.

-6- How to thrive during nine prisoner dilemma.  In b-school we learn of game theory vis a via two prisoner dilemma.  What happens when there are five of us in a dingy with no oars with orders to pick up four more?! Snafu and fubar were acronyms ("Situation Normal All eFFed Up" and "effed up beyond all recognition").  Business is messy.  The scenario of two prisoners held in separate interrogation chambers is a luxury- NOT a dilemma.

-7- How spiffs, rips and the Glengarry Glen Ross leads work.  Pay-for-play isn't just for politicians, it's for entrepreneurs as well.  NOTE: Tipping is like a secret lubricant to the economy.  Exercise: bring 8 nickels (ie $5 bills) and notice how your next dining experience changes.

-8a- How to profile a person in 20 seconds or less.  Profile people with pop quizzes... for example, what do you call a guy who has a business and thinks buying for $3 and selling for $10 comes to a 30% profit margin?  Answer; an effen genius.

-8b--California-cation isn't just a funny show David Duchovny is on... it's when all of your biz contacts are CA centric (and no the eight in NY doesn't count)

-8c--Consultant-ification.  Yeah, I just made that up.  I don't know what it means but I can assure it's not good.

-9- Look good in your burlap bag.  First thing they teach you in super-model school isn't even NEAR the GSB radar.  Robert Black founder of FORD modeling agency said to me, 'Larry, if they force you to wear a burlap bag, then make that bag shine'.  Superstars see opportunity in the burlap bag.

A burlap bag can also come in the form of a co-founder.  Remember, they call it show business- not show friends.  Business really start after a founder is fired.

Do you have a founder on your team that's not adding value?  If you have to bring him along to the conference anyway, figure out how to shine in spite of his stupid-ification/ consultant-ification.  Figure out how to migrate him to VP of Strategy and work with your board to buy him out of his share later.

** Bonus **
-10- Exit Strategy for Your GSB GF.  CIA agents never enter a room that they  can't leave a half a dozen ways.  Relationships in B-school are the same.  Enter only if you have an eye for a CLEAN exit.

** Contest **
Submit something that you can't learn at Stanford Business School (and get fame and fortune for helping me with my book).  Winner will be selected Friday and get a duck9 winter fleece (worth $80!)

To Enter, email me at Larry@larrychiang.com

.

Fri, 4 Jan 2008
9 VCs you meet before your first $900k in revenue

Mr Armchair.  He's a Friday afternoon Chairman.  He knows exactly what he'd do as board member of facebook/IAC/ G / Y / M... too bad his portfolio company's don't get the same enthusiastic coverage.

Mr One-Hit-Wonder.  Yes he sold XYZ FOR $200mm (& kept $15mm) so if you wanna hear war stories from the 90s, take this GSB alums money.

Mr Spray-n-Pray.  He cites being founding CEO as his operations experience (i.e. He wss a vc at a different firm before portfolio implosion and fund implosion).  His fund is a catch-all and he tries to participate in every Sequoia backed deal.

Mr Revisionist Historian.  Knowing Pierre Omidyar, living near him in Hawaii and investing in eBay AFTER it went public doesn't count for didly.

Mr Asshole-BFF all rolled up into one.  He remembers to comp you tickets when your alma mater rolls into town for Stanford hoop.  He'll fanagle stock outta your co-founder just to up his percentage from 42.5 to 46.25%.

On your board, he roasts you one quarter and sing accolades the next. He's three times divorced and a heck of a good time to go to Vegas with.

Mr Blue Blood.  His IQ is double your 155.  He's fifth generation money.  He's so far ahead of the curve that he married Asian 1st (vs other VCs whose wife 2.0 is Asian). His kids (2/4/7) can debug your db using their modified mac and will be smarter than you by June.

Mr IRR.  He's old school and he'll hit his rate of return goals even if he has to give birth in the first person. He goes into deals at a 45 degree entry angle.  His bio doesn't list his alma mater because the 30 companies he IPOed take his alloted two pages.

Mr x-Product Manager.  He says he's seeking alpha, but has zero stomach for beta.  Beta here, of course, meaning risk not software version.  If team/ market opportunity/ cap table/ due dill/ angel syndicate are in perfect order, he'll pull the trigger.  Number of winners=0, but he can pee on a parade seven ways to sunday.

Mr Regurgitator.  At HBS, he did well by parroting and that talent has seved him well.  Once, he culled the wrong case study resulting in a buy rec on BioPay and wallah! exit-a-mundo!  He's so lucky that in '08 he'll be reverse justifying his funds success.

Mr Venture Catalyst. Read the case study about a young vc getting 20% of a company for nothing (urban myth) and has been trying to replicate it ever since.

Mr Retired on the Job.  He's rich but mentally checked out.  'Income on his cash' > 'carry on his fund' even if they discover 3 Googles.  Mr ROTJ has tracking software for houses/ property/ assets. One time he bought a car that he already owned.  Uses duck9 sms aletrts not for credit card bills but for which girlfriend in Austin/ SF/ NY/ AZ needs xoxoxox.

Match these statements with VCs

He's caught in never never land between no real operations experience and no real finance experience.

Extra dangerous cuz he's never had a W2/1099 over $200k

Woo him by buying his kids SAT test prep books.

Thinks pretexting is a great way to do due dill

Brings a checkbook to the Menlo park Starbux

Has his assistant print out email cuz he needs the 20 point font size

Would interrogate your dad and calls registrars offices

Knows the MIT of India, China, and Timbucktoo

He's not big on Sand Hill, but in europe he's huge.

Makes you work for the money by slicing his $2mm into 10 pieces with water marks you need to hit for another traunch.

Knows all of your present AND future mistakes.

He will make a half dozen intros that are revenue opps. But you'll dropp the ball and he know this and has a CEO ready to replace you after the b round

He just called.  He left a vm that he'll swing by in a limo and pick you up for a concert at Bimbo 360.  You better find some non open toed form of footwear.